Saturday, July 16, 2005

Over my head

A couple of days after getting back I was hit with a serious feeling of being overwhelmed, by work, my bills, everything. I know that sometimes people talk about coming down after a vacation but I have never noted it in myself...until now? I mean I was feeling ragged.
I feel better today overall, but I do still feel crappy about my haphazard approach to my life's work...when did I get this way? I think I used to have a goal and purpose.
I love working as a therapist.......but.....but what? What is it you are whining about, Martha? I dunno for sure. still puzzling that out.
I was talking to a guy at work tonight who really wants to discuss his life's path and he kept asking if certain degrees might not limit him, and I kept coming back to the same question...what is your passion, what is it you want to do? Because that is the way to be sure you will succeed. If you life's passion is to accumulate the most wealth you can (because that seemed to be his question, he wanted to help people and he like the idea of therapy but he was afraid he wouldn't make enough money) than that is what you need to pursue, not therapy. Do what you love and the money will follow. Define sucess...is it money and riches? Is it freedom of time? Does it mean not having to think about your work? Is it about helping people? With their feelings or with buying a new house? With their debt or with their selection of a new companion?
Practice what you preach, womyn.

Interesting reading

Well, I am exceedingly tired but have to write a few lines. Denver was fabulous, except that I came back really hating where I am. I know that to get to any "next" place you have to love and accept the NOW place that you are, but sometimes it is so hard. Not that I want to be in Denver. Now that my Kayeleigh is leaving - even before she was actually gone - it feels kind of empty to me. Listening to her talk about her passion (the Moche) and about her upcoming work in grad school made me feel achingly good for her and also kind of bad about my own, lackluster approach to my passions.
I want to be that, do that, have that sparkle that "in love with" attitude about my passions again - I am sure I had it once. Now I feel under educated, less than knowledgable and kind of like I have been just plain lazy.
Teachers are all around us...