family

I grew up in a 4-person family, Mommy, Daddy, Big Sister and Me. We had pretty traditional values, Daddy cooking out, cutting grasss, Mommy cooking dinner, doing laundry. Even with all that, I am not that close to them, years later. Not really. Except my Dad. We talk and we are of the same mind on a number of topics, and I would miss him if he were gone. I think about him and talking to him during my regular week, so by that definition, he is a friend. We make time for each other. But apart from him...
My gathered family is a much stronger system than the one I was born into. I love them, they are my ka-tet and we are a family. We care for each other, nourish each other, support each other. Maybe part of the reason we are so tight is because we do not take each other for granted, like the idea that your sister will always be your sister...
Friendship takes committment and effort. That is the kind of family I want to be part of, one that is committed and joyful.

Scrips

Current mood: satisfied

I went to fill a prescription and while I was there I asked for the second box of migraine medication that they forgot to put in the last time I had it filled. I called the same night and someone said ok, they would put a box aside for me. At any rate, the counter woman is like, "Well, there's no note, and if you had talked to someone then they would have written a note..." I said, I called as soon as my husband got home with the prescription." "Yes, well, if they had talked to you..." "They DID talk to me" I interrupted her so forcefully she startled. "Well, yes, then they should have left a note somewhere where anyone could find it." She looked nervous. Then she said I could call the "boss" on monday and he/she would probably make it right.
I admit to being irritated and went home with a whole new prescription (since I am out). I got home and I was going to put half the pills in my bag for work so I would be sure to have some there...and instead of 6 pills in one box, there were only 2! I got right back in my car and took it back. I gave it to a new counter woman, who took it to the pharmacist. After much deliberation, the counter person came back with 3 boxes. They filled the 12 that were on the prescription and added 6 more for my trouble. Nice. And now I don't have to fight with the supervisor on Monday, because as far as I am concerned, I got my fair share (if you can call 170 dollar medicine fair).
I feel good about this. I have long been proud of my ability to "get my fair share" from businesses, to haggle and to convince people that they need to give me my money back, that kind of thing. I am so good at it, I ask people to let me do it for them. I offer to cancel subscriptions. I call to get satisfaction from poor service call center workers pretty regularly.
Which is AWFUL. I have been noticing lately (6 months...or maybe more) that I get a kind of perverse pleasure out of it. And it is draining. And sometimes I lie. Not big lies, just little ones, about the date, maybe, or how many times I have called. I'm careful, though, because I know that they track all that stuff now and I don't want to get caught lying, because that will make me look more suspicious. Even today, when they were deliberating, I was thinking, great. I made the fuss about the un-filled prescription, and now they think I purposely STOLE the 4 other pills so that I could come and get 4 more...
Its like even though 90% of the time what I am demanding IS, technically fair, there is part of me that knows 10% of the time I am manipulating. Not every time, but some of the time. And I feel kind of icky about that lately. Go figure.
So I appreciate the universe stepping up and letting me know that I do NOT need to struggle and fight all the time for every little thing. Sometimes, just speaking up a little is enough.
And from now on, I promise to use this power only for good.
Like talking to parents of clients. I think I use the same skill when I talk to angry parents, getting them to listen to me and to feel heard at the same time. Of course I do not lie to parents...or clients for that matter.

Anyway, that is today's revelation. It was a long, slow one this time, but I made it.

Currently reading: Speaker for the Dead (Ender, Book 2) (Ender Quartet) By Orson Scott Card Release date: By 15 August, 1994

Daddy and Detta

Yes, ok, so we found out that my Daddy has a tumor almost three weeks ago. Apparently he had been sick SINCE my wedding but no one told me.
Then I found out two Wednesdays ago that Detta has bone cancer. What's up with that? Now I am a walking cry bomb, feeling terrible about them both. I love my daddy and we are close. Except that right now we are Far, with them in Georgia and all that.
Planning on flying out when they decide on surgery...
So, doing the treating thing...
I know that we are all healthy, whole and complete right now.

Married life

It didn't occur to me that I might miss my house after marriage. I mean, I still get some time to myself in my home, but I really do miss just being here. Over a long period of time.
I made Bre leave with the kids last Sunday for about 2 hours and I was in a cleaning frenzy...why can't I clean like that when he/they are here? What stops me? Dunno. Why do I feel like I have to rush home to snack on my favorite foods when no one is here? Why can't I read when he is around?
No answers yet.

nice vs thunderbolt

I was reading something - Jailbait, I think and the main character asks her mom, how did you know Daddy was the "one"? And her mom was like, well, I just knew. What the heck does that mean?!
And then on some tv show...Desperate Housewives (yes, I admit to trash tv) the friends were talking about the merits of going with a nice guy who is kind and blah blah blah versus getting the "thunderbolt" and how good that is. And my old roomie was like, "the thunderbolt doesn't last."
My thing is, if you start with the thunderbolt, you have somtthing to hang onto when things are not so "wow." I mean, if you seriously hook up with your partner because they seem like a good choice, someone your family wants you to be with, where is your motivation? Unless you are in a country that does arranged marriages...but that is very different and a separate post.

married life

I was going to try to come up with something about married life, but I don't have anything to say yet. Its kind of like when someone asks you if you feel older on your birthday. No, not yet. I need to be married longer before I know what I think of it.
In some ways it is like living together, as far as major change, now Beng is there every night, which is nice. I think. Mostly. I have thought I wish he weren't there - but only when he had to get up in the morning and I didn't.
Kids are there more, which I think is better than before because I like to be around them and it is simpler, too. Less driving around.
I get about an hour most afternoons to myself because I get done earlier than anyone gets home and that is really a good thing. I usually watch italian soaps during that time.
The big thing we still need to do has to do with finances and figuring out if we are doing those together or what. That sounds scary, having to work that out. Over the years, even in whatever relationships I have been in, I have always handled my own money. Now I wanna handle his too! smile.
I am good at saving....

Monday, March 13, 2006

Long lapse Well, it has been a while...quite a while. So here is the skinny. I got married and went on a nice honeymoon and am back at work that is driving me crazy... I am remembering that I work at a place where I feel respected. I work in a place where my creative talents are appreciated. hmmmm "in a place" .... is that really what I want to say? I feel satisfied by the work that I do. I provide a service that I feel good about. I remind people of the perfection that they are. I remember the truth for people, like that they are perfect whole and complete. While the Souce is my supply, I earn fair compensation for the expression of my special talents. I am a unique individual manifestation of Source and this expression brings me joy.