Thursday...no no, still Wednesday

The week is going by so slowly! I am so ready for my birthday....
Had a lovely night last night with Beng and the kids, after our marriage therapy deal. Mary's is hard, I have to say I don't really like going...I mean, I like it some but also feel really uncomfortable. She was saying she went to a recent training and the guy said, "Therapy shouldn't feel comfortable" or safe or something - saying that for it to be good people need to be risking. Also he said that you need arguments for intimacy. Something like that.
Requests were the big thing I took from the session. Gotta make 'em.
Then we went out to eat - I had jasmine rice with my meal, that is kind of like keeping with my rice fast...a little. Another thing Mary said was to keep my protein intake up because if my brain isn't getting fed that could increase the depression. Yeah, good point.
Funny, I am reading the Hip Chick's guide to Macrobiotics and also another book about boosting your metabolism and they say nearly the opposite! Really, how is the average person supposed to understand any of that?! I mean, for me, I am just keeping what I like and trashing the rest, but what if you just bought whatever you were reading? How confusing ?

More morning

Ok, now I have a minute to talk. Yeah, I had a good conversation with my best friend last night, we must have talked a couple of hours at least. It's funny - I am much more guarded about my relationship with Bob when I talk to other people....I mean, in the past I would be quick to complain (or even roast) boyfriends to my friends...Hmm, let me think about this. Maybe the difference is not Bob.
Ok, so I am a bit more guarded, but that may just be age and experience helping me out a bit - you know - if you roast your partner then things work out, well, ya look stupid. Or if people only hear the bad stuff, they might think - no no that is not what I meant. Starting over. My roomie hears it all. But she also knows him and hears all the sweet things he does too (I think...I hope). With my best friend - that is different because she and I had a nasty falling out about 8 years ago and we are just now getting back to being friends. So I am more guarded with her. And she is much more ... more something than she used to be. Like, I was talking about PhD programs in the TC area and she was saying, why do you have to stay there? And I was saying, partly the house, partly Beng and she was saying, you could rent your place and if Beng isn't willing to let you go, then what is that about?! Sort of militant about it. But now that I am typing this, I realize that she was just going through that with her (now ex) boyfriend. Who didn't think she should go away to school.

Anyway I guess that is why I am sort of protective of information with her. Although we had a great conversation, I didn't really talk to her about him...or even much about feeling depressed. She is so militant these days, she doesn't seem very interested in letting me be depressed...she wants to fight it somehow. I am not in a fighting mood....

Yeah. Ok. That is enough soul searching for the day.

Either the rice is working

Or I am just high from lack of sleep....It was so good talking to K. I know she is busy and I am busy but I seriously think we need to consider talking regularly...like making a date with each other....sounds very monogomous, doesn't it? smile

I like plans...

When she was talking about the perfect partner and how they don't necessarily need to be in the same field...I do think that is true. I do think that you can not be in the same field and yet be interested and willing to talk about what your partner does, and that can be wonderful and supportive. Yeah. Seriously. Also, though, ain't it nice not to need to explain what you are talking about?! I am all about appreciating differences, but, there is something nice about someone who already knows.

That is something about spirituality too. I think I would have an easier time explaining what I do for a living than needing to explain my spiritual beliefs...I mean, of course I do explain and talk about them, but it is so wonderful that Beng understands (having done a lot of Buddhism/Zen type study) and I don't have to convince him of anything...

sheesh. Guess I better get to work...

Soimeone from work sent me a nice email...I think I am making friends!!!!

New goal

Ok, my new goal is to post every day. That is important to put right here, in writing, cuz when I post again and see this, several months back, well, then I will...I will...I will what? I really don't know what the point of that is, just getting it out.
So, lots happeneing since Sept whatever when I last posted. Working at a new job now, sometimes it is hard, sometimes it is not as hard. No big pay off yet but getting better, I think.
I made a new friend (maybe) who is a co-worker. I like her style. She does stress me out sometimes, but I like that she is a straight shooter and very down to earth.
I am not looking for other work, feeling pretty settled here.
Planning the wedding and honeymoon (Spain).
My birthday is Friday (yay me!).
Having a migraine. Maybe I should stop typing here and go HOME!
yeah, getting right on that.

Monday, monday

Dang, forgot the best part of my day...the Hmong Times...ok, it will have to be ok for tomorrow.
(since ya'll don't know what I am talking about, one of the "teachers" around here told a student that there was no such thing as Hmong and gave him a time out for being racist. She said that since she was dating an "Asian" guy, she would know. Right, that is logical. Cuz my mom is Korean, I speak all asiatic languages. Whatever. I think being called Asian is worse than being called Hmong. I mean, seriously, if someone said to me that my mom was Hmong, that would be an error, but calling her an Asian - that is oe of those "they all look alike" names. Or it seems that way to me, anyway. At any rate, while I was out this weekend I found a copy of the Hmong Times, which I planned to leave on her desk this morning. But I forgot it at home. So that is the scoop.)
ANYWAY, missed Jen today! Shocking, kind of. I haven't even known her that long but she is so my safe face around work! I was feeling so stressed out, I really needed a Jen "Hey, how're ya doin?" No, maybe not, cuz maybe I would have just broke down in tears.
No, it wasn't work that got me going. I mean, it was a hectic Monday - but I don't think too much more than usual.
No, my stuff was (is) definitely my stuff today. Just not feeling 100% - have a migraine and had a weepy weekend. Crying is hard. I used to be called a crybaby in my house when I was a kid - as an adult I usually take the strong role - so when I do get it out...it isn't as cathartic as I wish it were. I usually have some lingering guilt about it...
Fucking So-and-so just came into my office to ask me to do something, then left without shutting the door. Am I being touchy or is that just rude? Hold on, I have to close the damn door.
Sheesh. Dude, I need a therapist.