Melting Bodhi

He really wants to be a lap dog. He is a Dali fan,too, notice how he is melting onto the chair.

cutie

Here he is, very cute, no? He gets so cold, we had to give him a blanket.

Puppy love

Yeah, I love the new puppy. And I hate him sometimes, too. He is reminding me of lots of lessons I seem to have forgotten. Like, how to be kind and what is worth being mad about. I have had some rage coming up, too. I know that is not about the dog, but it is directed towards him for sure. What is that about?!

Research leads to...

More research? I was looking up Upward Spiral, because I decided I liked it for a business name, my business, to be specific. So, I was checking to see what I might be associated with and I found some interesting websites...and one of them posted this list...

• Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
• Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?
• Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
• Am I looking for what's right or am I loking for what's wrong?
• Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?
• Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?
• Does this choice empower me or does it disempower?
• Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?
• Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?
• Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

as taken from :

The Right Questions: Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life by Debbie Ford:

I thought it was worth borrowing.

What wisdom

This is something that Phyllis said the last time we were there and I loved it right away, just that I forgot right away too. There is a kind of "new age guilt trip" when we look at our lives and all that we have co-created and go, ok, there must be some lesson in this for me. I keep attracting crappy jobs/men/women/situations and I know I must need to get something from it...
Instead of telling ourselves that we need to learn something, let's ask ourselves, What wisdom is there in this job/man/woman/situation for me?
Let us remember to be gentle with ourselves.

Phyllis

Amy and I went to see Phyllis again and here are some things I don't want to forget:

She was wonderful as usual. Amy and I get something from both of our sessions.
Things I want to remember in particular...What wisdom is there in this? Instead of saying I must need to learn some lesson.
Daddy is going over to the other side when he sleeps. Trying it on for size. Failure to thrive is a statement he is making. He wants to see me.
Don't try to rescue him, my gift is myself. He did the best that he could.
Your soul added to our session and said that you like it when I am calm and at ease. Hee hee. I think I knew that. Amy and I were talking in the car and I don't think it is always like that, like my mother being more comfortable with anger than sadness.
She said also to Amy about Steve that even though our partners are not always in the same place on a growth cycle that is ok. Same for us.
Also about us, that I need to trust me more. Set my intention for our relationship every day until I realize that I can trust myself.
More stuff about being worthy.
For my practice, be open to a wider population; make my office space feel more Mine. Bless my payments for the space.
More acupuncture - I have done some good work so far but need one or two more sessions. Take naps.

Picture from the marathon

I just had to include this, it just came in online so it isn't very high resolution, but I like it anyway.

Weekend, World of Warcraft

Well, the weekend went well. Eric got Beng and I to watch the season's premier of South Park (although I don't think either of us knew it was the season premier) which was called something like, South Park saves the World of Warcraft. For those of you who don't know, Eric has been playing WoW for a long time now, and is pretty much addicted. At any rate, he then proceeded to explain details of the game to us and yes, Beng created his own character, ShadowSwede and completed his first quest. I played a few minutes too. We have been toying with the idea of playing with Eric, forming our own little group, as it were. It might be fun. I am not a big fan of killing things, so I imagine my character will not "level" too quickly, but I like the quest stuff, finding things and all that. Maybe I will just tell myself I am "defeating" them, that they are just "Inevitable Consequence of Progress" ala Johnny Clegg. Or maybe I won't play at all. It is amazing how much more time we spent together, though, as a result of this game.
There was a minor meltdown when Eric realized I was loading the game on my computer so that I could play and not so that he could. Ah, well, he is figuring things out.
No news from Laura in some time now.

Choir recording

So, the Twin Cities Women's Choir did a recording this summer, I participated in the first session, then I was either in Peru or Augusta when they did the second one. This is a photo of another singer and Chopper, the production guy. I am sure there is a more formal title, but that will have to suffice for now. It was a lot of fun. Now we are working on getting the CD cover and insert done, then actually, physcially produced. When they are ready, I will let you know!

Not closing yet

Ok, so I obviously decided to hold off ending this blog. I decided I would focus on this and the Coon Rapids Garden one and pretty much leave all the others alone. Not that I have many, or anything, just livejournal and myspace, but I rarely update either of those these days. I am interested in starting a website for my practice, too. I am not sure if I ought to do that on my own or just pay someone else to manage it. I am no wiz at websites and I get overwhelmed thinking of what it would take to manage one. Mostly I just want it to say what I specialize in and let people know about price and location, maybe include some useful links. I don't want it to be something I have to work on every day or anything like that.
I am interested in changing my Psychology Today advertisement, but I am not clear yet on what I want it to say. I want to say something about assisting people with lifeforce issues, but how to say that without sounding too far from the edge? Or maybe I don't need to worry about that?
My book idea pretty much flopped.
Beng and I are on our way to Georgia in a couple of weeks. We are going to drive down. I have plenty of books on the iPod to keep us entertained. I don't think it will be a bad drive. I did it alone before, and I drove from Denver to Georgia, too. I don't mind driving. I like to take food with me and stop for gas as necessary. We'll see, I guess.

Grass clippings

I did my part, too, even though you mostly don't see me. I am usually the one taking the pictures.

Eric getting involoved

Yeah, he isn't much interested in manual labor, per se, but he liked this part.

Lasagna bed

It was so windy, we found we needed to keep things pretty wet in order to keep it all from flying away. Eric was in charge of the hose. Beng kept things nice and smoothly spread out, working just ahead of Eric to keep from getting sprayed.

First bed

Well, we started the first bed yesterday (Saturday the 7th). Beng, Eric and I built layers from leaves (donated by Dave and by Amy, who used to live here), peat moss and grass clippings. This is pretty early on.

Food waste composting

Ok, so a little part of my community (Beng, Eric and I) got together yesterday to start our food waste compost bin. This doesn't make a lot of compost, just keeps the food waste out of the trash and dump and gives it back to the ground. We took an old trash can, drilled holes in it (bottom and the bottom third around the sides) and then buried it part way in the ground. I will let you know how it works out. We found the directions online, but none of the people who talked about having it and lovin

End of blog

I have been considering ending this blog. I don't do much with it, and everything it contains is saved elsewhere. What is the point of the thing, anyway? No one reads it...

Some landscapes: Hestercombe landscape garden

More gardeners?

Some landscapes: Hestercombe landscape garden

When Insults Had Class

Yes, this was a forward worth republishing. From my friend in Atlanta!

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

- Winston Churchill

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."

- Abraham Lincoln

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... If you have one."

- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill & "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in reply

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."

- Stephen Bishop

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."

- Winston Churchill (about Clement Atlee)

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the

dictionary."

- William Faulkner (to Ernest Hemingway) & "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (to William Faulkner)

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."

- Samuel Johnson

"He had delusions of adequacy."

- Walter Kerr

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

- Groucho Marx

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."

- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

- Forrest Tucker

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."

- Oscar Wilde

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

- Oscar Wilde

Sage Book Pix: The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

Sage Book Pix: The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

Working for myself

Yeah, I am self-employed now. These days it means I spend a lot of time going - IS it NOON already!?! However, I am working to stave off those "early working for myself blues" by setting some goals and seriously pursuing them.
Namely, studying for the exam which will be on September 30th and starting a community garden. You can read about it at Coon Rapids Garden (there is a link to the right).
I have spent enough time complaining about not feeling like part of a community, now I am going to do something about it.
Also, there is a wasp caught in my window, between the screen and the glass. I can't get it out and it has been there a while...I am really starting to feel bad about it. I guess that is my goal for this hour.
If only it weren't a wasp!

family

I grew up in a 4-person family, Mommy, Daddy, Big Sister and Me. We had pretty traditional values, Daddy cooking out, cutting grasss, Mommy cooking dinner, doing laundry. Even with all that, I am not that close to them, years later. Not really. Except my Dad. We talk and we are of the same mind on a number of topics, and I would miss him if he were gone. I think about him and talking to him during my regular week, so by that definition, he is a friend. We make time for each other. But apart from him...
My gathered family is a much stronger system than the one I was born into. I love them, they are my ka-tet and we are a family. We care for each other, nourish each other, support each other. Maybe part of the reason we are so tight is because we do not take each other for granted, like the idea that your sister will always be your sister...
Friendship takes committment and effort. That is the kind of family I want to be part of, one that is committed and joyful.

Scrips

Current mood: satisfied

I went to fill a prescription and while I was there I asked for the second box of migraine medication that they forgot to put in the last time I had it filled. I called the same night and someone said ok, they would put a box aside for me. At any rate, the counter woman is like, "Well, there's no note, and if you had talked to someone then they would have written a note..." I said, I called as soon as my husband got home with the prescription." "Yes, well, if they had talked to you..." "They DID talk to me" I interrupted her so forcefully she startled. "Well, yes, then they should have left a note somewhere where anyone could find it." She looked nervous. Then she said I could call the "boss" on monday and he/she would probably make it right.
I admit to being irritated and went home with a whole new prescription (since I am out). I got home and I was going to put half the pills in my bag for work so I would be sure to have some there...and instead of 6 pills in one box, there were only 2! I got right back in my car and took it back. I gave it to a new counter woman, who took it to the pharmacist. After much deliberation, the counter person came back with 3 boxes. They filled the 12 that were on the prescription and added 6 more for my trouble. Nice. And now I don't have to fight with the supervisor on Monday, because as far as I am concerned, I got my fair share (if you can call 170 dollar medicine fair).
I feel good about this. I have long been proud of my ability to "get my fair share" from businesses, to haggle and to convince people that they need to give me my money back, that kind of thing. I am so good at it, I ask people to let me do it for them. I offer to cancel subscriptions. I call to get satisfaction from poor service call center workers pretty regularly.
Which is AWFUL. I have been noticing lately (6 months...or maybe more) that I get a kind of perverse pleasure out of it. And it is draining. And sometimes I lie. Not big lies, just little ones, about the date, maybe, or how many times I have called. I'm careful, though, because I know that they track all that stuff now and I don't want to get caught lying, because that will make me look more suspicious. Even today, when they were deliberating, I was thinking, great. I made the fuss about the un-filled prescription, and now they think I purposely STOLE the 4 other pills so that I could come and get 4 more...
Its like even though 90% of the time what I am demanding IS, technically fair, there is part of me that knows 10% of the time I am manipulating. Not every time, but some of the time. And I feel kind of icky about that lately. Go figure.
So I appreciate the universe stepping up and letting me know that I do NOT need to struggle and fight all the time for every little thing. Sometimes, just speaking up a little is enough.
And from now on, I promise to use this power only for good.
Like talking to parents of clients. I think I use the same skill when I talk to angry parents, getting them to listen to me and to feel heard at the same time. Of course I do not lie to parents...or clients for that matter.

Anyway, that is today's revelation. It was a long, slow one this time, but I made it.

Currently reading: Speaker for the Dead (Ender, Book 2) (Ender Quartet) By Orson Scott Card Release date: By 15 August, 1994

Daddy and Detta

Yes, ok, so we found out that my Daddy has a tumor almost three weeks ago. Apparently he had been sick SINCE my wedding but no one told me.
Then I found out two Wednesdays ago that Detta has bone cancer. What's up with that? Now I am a walking cry bomb, feeling terrible about them both. I love my daddy and we are close. Except that right now we are Far, with them in Georgia and all that.
Planning on flying out when they decide on surgery...
So, doing the treating thing...
I know that we are all healthy, whole and complete right now.

Married life

It didn't occur to me that I might miss my house after marriage. I mean, I still get some time to myself in my home, but I really do miss just being here. Over a long period of time.
I made Bre leave with the kids last Sunday for about 2 hours and I was in a cleaning frenzy...why can't I clean like that when he/they are here? What stops me? Dunno. Why do I feel like I have to rush home to snack on my favorite foods when no one is here? Why can't I read when he is around?
No answers yet.

nice vs thunderbolt

I was reading something - Jailbait, I think and the main character asks her mom, how did you know Daddy was the "one"? And her mom was like, well, I just knew. What the heck does that mean?!
And then on some tv show...Desperate Housewives (yes, I admit to trash tv) the friends were talking about the merits of going with a nice guy who is kind and blah blah blah versus getting the "thunderbolt" and how good that is. And my old roomie was like, "the thunderbolt doesn't last."
My thing is, if you start with the thunderbolt, you have somtthing to hang onto when things are not so "wow." I mean, if you seriously hook up with your partner because they seem like a good choice, someone your family wants you to be with, where is your motivation? Unless you are in a country that does arranged marriages...but that is very different and a separate post.

married life

I was going to try to come up with something about married life, but I don't have anything to say yet. Its kind of like when someone asks you if you feel older on your birthday. No, not yet. I need to be married longer before I know what I think of it.
In some ways it is like living together, as far as major change, now Beng is there every night, which is nice. I think. Mostly. I have thought I wish he weren't there - but only when he had to get up in the morning and I didn't.
Kids are there more, which I think is better than before because I like to be around them and it is simpler, too. Less driving around.
I get about an hour most afternoons to myself because I get done earlier than anyone gets home and that is really a good thing. I usually watch italian soaps during that time.
The big thing we still need to do has to do with finances and figuring out if we are doing those together or what. That sounds scary, having to work that out. Over the years, even in whatever relationships I have been in, I have always handled my own money. Now I wanna handle his too! smile.
I am good at saving....

Monday, March 13, 2006

Long lapse Well, it has been a while...quite a while. So here is the skinny. I got married and went on a nice honeymoon and am back at work that is driving me crazy... I am remembering that I work at a place where I feel respected. I work in a place where my creative talents are appreciated. hmmmm "in a place" .... is that really what I want to say? I feel satisfied by the work that I do. I provide a service that I feel good about. I remind people of the perfection that they are. I remember the truth for people, like that they are perfect whole and complete. While the Souce is my supply, I earn fair compensation for the expression of my special talents. I am a unique individual manifestation of Source and this expression brings me joy.